Read Something Funny!

April Reading:

Here's help at a critical time!

TONGUE TWISTERS!

Yes, by now in the self-isolation/social distancing marathon, you're getting really, really bored. Am I right? Any kind of diversion would be welcome. My own husband actually ended up cleaning the stovetop. That's how bad it's getting, everywhere. But don't despair! Here's a new, entertaining way to fill - oh, almost an hour. (there's 20 of these, so if you allow yourself about 3 minutes per twister, there's your hour!)

But all kidding aside, who doesn’t enjoy a good tongue twister? Don’t like any of these tongue twisters? You can fill even more isolation time by making up twenty of your own!

  1. Sixty-six ickily slick sticky sippy cups.

  2. Very furry furtive vermin revert to fervent flirting.

  3. The thrilled, thirsty threesome threaded through the thrift shop throng.

  4. Rusted ratchet restoration.

  5. Greedy gray geese graze on grains and grass.

  6. Elspeth’s special sponges, specifically for spills.

  7. You like it with white rice in it, right?

  8. When Pa booted poorly, the pooh-bah, brooding, booed Pa.

  9. The purple turtle’s blood curdled at hurdles.

  10. Floss teeth, flee futile fillings!

  11. Flippant flappers frown at flippered mammals.

  12. Hester Ritter’s wrist-written test list missed some mysteries in history.

  13. The silly lisper's lips slipped and spilled his sip.

  14. The jurists searched for juice though choosing chewy cheese.

  15. The silly lisper’s lips slipped and spilled his sip.

  16. Morbid board members rewarded four bored hoarders.

  17. Eleven well-vented Elven event tents for rent.

  18. Lord Leslie led listless lesser lords through lots of loose thistles.

  19. A mellifluous influence of mild melody mellows malls.

  20. Grumpy Gramps grasped crumbled crumpets.

Congratulations! You did it! You filled an hour meaningfully! Time for another nap! After tongue twisters and nap, that only leaves (for the average person) nine other hours to fill. Most can easily write off at least four of those, with preparing and eating meals and snacks. Here's a handy checklist of sure-fire time-fillers, for the whole of April 2020, which will always hereafter be known as "The Time of The Great Lockdown":

  • Drawing pictures to accurately illustrate each of the situations described in each tongue twister

  • Walking the dog, including picking up the poops in a bag and carrying it all home

  • Stocking up on cannabis products at your local dispensary! (If you live in one of the advanced states.)

  • Trying on every garment you own, putting all the clean, undamaged stuff that looked good on the mannequin but makes you look like like a clown, in a bag for Goodwill, and throwing out all the stuff that is ripped, missing a button, or has been filthy for 4 months

  • Finding out if you still know how to bake, because the other person in your home, who did this week's shopping, which took 2 hours including 1 hour 40 minutes of waiting in line, fucking forgot to get cookies

  • Watching every Scandinavian murder mystery/police drama available on your streaming services. Challenge yourself to get through an entire season in one sitting!

  • Going online and discover a new conspiracy theory you didn't know about before this; discussing in-depth with whoever shares your living space (handy tip: dogs are better listeners than cats)

  • Washing all the laundry, even the stuff still in your suitcase from the last trip, and all the socks shoved under your bed

  • Contacting Patricia A. Leslie, and buying the complete published edition of her Peculiar Wit and Occasional Wisdom ... oh what the hell, why not also get her short fiction collection, Mercurial Tales: fiction on the Para side of Normal

 

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Condensed version; original is in

Patricia A. Leslie's  Peculiar Wit & Occasional Wisdom

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